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“I
went to a tattoo parlor and had YES written onto the palm of my left hand, and
NO onto my right palm, what can I say, it hasn't made my life wonderful, its
made life possible, when I rub my hands against each other in the middle of
winter I am warming myself with the friction of YES and NO, when I clap my
hands I am showing my appreciation through the uniting and parting of YES and
NO, I signify "book" by peeling open my hands, every book, for me, is
the balance of YES and NO, even this one, my last one, especially this one.
Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces
than my heart was made of, I never thought of myself as quiet, much less
silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance
that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn't the world, it wasn't the
bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never
letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don't know, but it's so painful to think, and
tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking
ever bring me? I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of
happiness one million times, but never once into it. “Forgiveness
is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is
that all people love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day,
every hour increasingly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of
the weak that is the human family.Only
that there were tears. Only that Quietness and Emptiness fitted together like
stacked spoons. Only that there was a snuffling in the hollows at the base of a
lovely throat. Only that a hard honey-colored shoulder had a semicircle of
teethmarks on it. Only that they held each other close, long after it was over.
Only that what they shared that night was not happiness, but hideous grief.
Only that once again they broke the Love Laws.
That lay down who should be loved. And how. And how much.” I think you can love a person
too much.
. You put someone up on a
pedestal, and all of a sudden, from that perspective, you notice what's wrong -
a hair out of place, a run in a stocking, a broken bone. You spend all your
time and energy making it right, and all the while, you are falling apart
yourself. You don't even realize what you look like, how far you've deteriorated,
because you only have eyes for someone else,“Shut
up…let me tell you, LET ME. Every time I look at your face or even remember it,
it wrecks me. And the way you are with me and you’re just fun and you shit all
over me and you make fun of me and you’re real. I don’t have enough time in any
day to think about you enough...I don’t even think about women anymore. I think
about you. One
day you fall for this boy. And he touches you with his fingers. And he burns
holes in your skin with his mouth. And it hurts when you look at him. And it
hurts when you don’t. And it feels like someone’s cut you open with a jagged
piece of glass.Nelly, I am Heathcliff - he's always, always in my mind - not as
a pleasure, any more then I am always a pleasure to myself - but, as my own
being.To love is good, too: love being difficult. For one human being to love
another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the
last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation...Love
is a high inducement to the individual to ripen, to become something in
himself, to become world for himself for another's sake, it is a great exacting
claim upon him, something that chooses him out and calls him to vast things.” So," he called to
her back, Just out of curiosity, you know, purely conversation and all, at what
age will you be entertaining offers of marriage.You think it'll be so easy?" she called back over her
shoulder. "No way. There will be tasks. Like
in a fairy tale."
.
Sounds dangerous."To find out if she really
loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my
machine was broken.
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